The Freedom to Choose
by onoheiwa
Summary: An attempt to fill in the gaps of time in the 2013 movie and get some more interaction between Harlock and Logan. What could be happening behind the scenes between the two men? What feelings might be growing that help explain the underlying tension, the confusion and changing loyalty of Logan? What happens after the screen goes black?
1. Chapter 1 Tumult

Logan was not some lovestruck teenage girl. He wasn't. Sure, the Captain had dropped thousands of feet from the Arcadia floating high in the planet's atmosphere straight down into a fiery and collapsing canyon, just to save the ship's newest crew member, without any kind of safety equipment or backup plan should the shuttle fail to operate. But that did not mean that he had suddenly acquired a crush on his oh-so gallant hero or something of the sort. Nope. Not at all.

Okay, so maybe there was a spark of interest, but really it was so small that Logan hardly even noticed it was there. Which did nothing to help him figure out why he was standing outside Harlock's quarters. It was not as if he liked the mysterious captain. Obviously, Logan had noticed that the man was attractive, all tall and slim figure with soft dark hair and deep, piercing eyes. Not even the scar across his cheek could mar his appeal; if anything the mark was a sign of strength and conviction, which only served to make him all the more striking. Likely, Harlock had all of the few women on board clamoring for his attention, and even a few men. After having sat in the mess hall with the crew for the last few weeks Logan knew that a few members, though avidly interested in only women, had something of a crush for their commander. So even if Logan was drawn to him, which he most certainly was not, the captain had plenty of options for partners of both genders and would pay no attention to the new guy. Even if he had risked his life to save him earlier that day.

The Gaia Coalition's young operative was conflicted. On the one hand, he had a mission, one that he was under obligation to fulfill as a soldier in the Gaia Fleet. Not only that, he had told Ezra that he would be his legs, he would fight in his place and do what Ezra no longer could himself. It was only right that he do so - his impulsiveness, his own stupidity, had brought tragedy and devastation and it was only right that he do what he could to make reparations. His sins had to be made up for somehow. If the one whom he had to pay back decided it was through helping the Coalition take down an outlaw that had been wreaking havoc on colonies and ships for the last 100 years, then that is what he would do. He did not exactly like the idea of becoming an assassin, an executioner, but if that was what he had to do to redeem himself then he would do it; he would do anything to make up for his mistakes.

On the other hand, something was not sitting well in him, beside the apprehension about having to kill someone. Harlock's words had surprised him and made him question everything he had been told.

Find your own truth.

What did he mean? The plan to use the Genesis Clock seemed farfetched, even insane, but the Captain and his crew seemed so certain that it would work and that it was the right thing to do. If that were the case then the Coalition was wrong, but that thought went against everything Logan had ever known. Unfortunately, the more he thought over Harlock's words the more he was beginning to understand what he meant about freedom, about truth, about making his own choices. He did not know why, but there was a feeling beginning to sink into his gut that the Arcadia was on the right path. But he had made a promise and he had a mission to fulfill and everything just kept tumbling over in his mind, swimming around and mixing together till he could hardly keep each thought separate. He was having trouble remembering his reason for being on the ship in the first place and why he wanted to stay. His head was rolling with the fighting of the two sides of his own internal battle: continue to fight for his redemption, for the Coalition and for his brother to help them protect their way of life, or join Harlock and the crew in their daring attempt at hopefully forging a better future?

Logan was a mess. His head was beginning to pound from the chaos inside and despite the late hour and the exhausting day he had endured, sleep was eluding him. After tossing restlessly for an hour or two he had finally decided to just get up and go do something, hoping that the activity would calm him down so that the tiredness he felt in his body would seep into his mind and quell the tumult. He was, of course, not that lucky and on top of the wreck that was his brain he had found himself heading toward the part of the ship where the commanding officers' quarters were. At first he had been confused, not knowing why that had been his subconscious destination, but then he remembered the intensity of the Captain's gaze when he had landed on the falling shuttle, the quiet confidence with a gun pointed to the back of his skull, the strength in his slim fingers as they fought to get the ship into the air.

It's just lust, an appreciation for an attractive man, nothing more.

Or so he had been trying to convince himself, but Logan knew himself well enough to realize he was in serious trouble. This was not some silly obsession with his hero, like a maiden in distress falling for her rescuer regardless of who he might be or what he might be like. No, Logan had been drawn to the Captain from the moment he laid eyes on him. There was an allure, an appealing charisma or aura to the man that had been whispering suggestions and ideas into his ears for weeks as to how he could get the Captain's eyes on him, get him to notice or acknowledge the new guy, maybe even like him.

He had tried to ignore it, pretend that it was just a the desire of a new crew member to prove his usefulness, but the events of the day and proven to Logan that it was more than that. It was more than a wish for acknowledgment and it was different from simple lust toward a desirable man. Harlock was captivating, something in him had reached out to Logan and latched on tightly; he could not explain it, but he felt as if there was a connection between the two of them. He had to find out if it really was there or if he was simply under some kind of delusion, thinking he was special to the Captain when in reality he was just another crew member. So as much as he hated his feet for betraying him by bringing him straight to Harlock's door, he was also a little bit grateful. If he were already here, he might as well take advantage of the opportunity to speak to the Captain alone, to try and learn a little more about him and maybe understand a bit better what was going on inside his own head. He took a deep breath and knocked.


	2. Chapter 2 Uncertainty

Logan knocked on the door to Harlock's quarters. He took another deep breath and held it while he waited. The silence stretched on and on, nearly a minute without a single sound emanating from within. He started to wonder if the Captain was even in his room; the mysterious man had a strange habit of wandering the ship at all hours of the day and night, hardly sleeping and often mumbling to the ship. It was highly likely that the room was empty. Logan was just about to knock again to be sure he had simply not heard the first knock when the door slid open to reveal a disgruntled captain who looked as if he had just gotten out of bed.

Logan had never seen the Captain in any attire aside from his usual black leather, thick-soled boots, and flashy cape so he was surprised to speechlessness. Harlock was barefoot, wearing slim, gray sleep pants and a dark blue shirt with short sleeves. There was no black, no shoes, no leather, no skulls, even his eyepatch was nowhere to be seen, his shaggy hair hanging in his face, nearly obscuring both of his eyes. Logan could see them, though. They were probably what surprised him the most as normally such a bodily appearance would mean bleariness and drooping lids, but Harlock's one good eye was just as intense and piercing as normal, belying the state of his rumpled clothes and frazzled hair.

Suddenly, Logan's mouth felt dry and his palms sweaty. He never would have expected that seeing the Captain looking so normal would have been far more alluring than his commanding tone while rousing the crew members' morale or his flamboyant manner of flying the Arcadia. The desire that shot through him was instantaneous and powerful and Logan suddenly had the strongest urge to either drag the man down by his shirt and kiss his slim, soft lips, or flee. In all honesty, he was leaning toward the latter but at a cough from said man he realized he had knocked on the door with the obvious desire to speak with the captain and was now standing in the exact same position as he had been since Harlock had opened the door, likely nearly a full minute earlier.

"Yes, Logan?"

Logan was perfectly motionless, his fist still raised as if to knock, and his mouth slightly parted from his jaw slackened out of shock at seeing the Captain looking so utterly human. He tended to forget that despite his immortality and supernatural strength because of the dark matter, ultimately Harlock was still a human. And him being a human being meant he needed to sleep, and to sleep in comfortable clothing, just as much as anyone else. It was still strange, however, that the realization only made him even more aware of how much he wanted. He wanted so fiercely he could hardly breathe.

"Uhh..."

Eloquent Logan, very intelligent.

His mind was blank, he couldn't think of a single thing to say. It was not as if he had had any real ideas as to what he wanted with the Captain at such a late hour anyway, and now he was at a total loss, what with the ridiculous, what should be a totally normal, vision in front of him. He wracked his brain frantically, trying to think of something, anything, he could say to explain why he was standing there (with his fist still raised awkwardly, mind you) simply staring.

"Would you like to come in?"

In? In where?

Harlock had stepped back a bit from the doorway and swung an arm out in a gesture of welcome, which is when Logan's brain finally kickstarted, realizing that the Captain was inviting him into his bedroom.

And what, exactly, was he supposed to do with that? Since he had so rudely awakened Harlock he supposed it was only polite if he accepted the offer and found some reasonable excuse to stick around for at least a couple of minutes. He was not sure what exactly that would be. He was there mostly because his feet and his subconscious had drug him there without him even realizing it, simply because he found the man... fascinating? Enchanting? He was not really sure how to describe the odd attraction he had toward the Captain. It was more than a regular physical desire, more than an appreciation for the man's comeliness, more than the hope to be accepted as a useful crew member, more than than a desire to please him, and, as weird as it was for him to think it, more than pure lust and a craving to take the man apart with yearning; this was like magnets, a powerful pulling from himself to the other, dragging and straining constantly and insistently, begging to be given in to. It was as heavy and maddening as an addiction with an intensity like a stench invading his nostrils.

Regardless of what he might want, it was entirely impossible to ignore. He was not sure he wanted to ignore it. In fact, he was rather sure that his trip to the Captain's door was because he had reached his breaking point where the want he was feeling was finally stronger than his sense of propriety, self-preservation, or awareness of his situation. In all reality, at this point it no longer mattered what his situation was, being a government plant on the ship, since he had already been discovered by the ship's commander. His position on board had been risky to begin with and now it was downright precarious. There was little Logan could do that would make it any worse and he was tired of pretending that what he felt toward Harlock was not there. He was tired and frustrated as it was and resisting his feelings was not helping; he was sick of ignoring it.

Speaking of ignoring.

He was still standing outside the door while Harlock watched him with amusement etched across his face. At least he had finally put his hand down sometime during the last few moments while he got lost in his thoughts. Again. Logan shook his head back and forth a couple of times, trying to clear it from wandering thoughts, then flicked his eyes back to the Captain's and nodded. A slight smile touched Harlock's lips and he lowered his head slightly in response, letting his outstretched hand slide just a little farther to indicate that Logan should proceed into the room. Logan abruptly took the few steps necessary, feeling weird about moving after having stood still for so long, and walked past Harlock and planted his feet and crossing his arms before turning around. The door slid back into place and Harlock shifted to lean against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest and one foot planted on the wall behind him. Somehow he managed to look relaxed yet still powerful and intimidating, despite the fact that his usual menacing attire was absent. He had a slight smirk and his one visible eyebrow raised with amusement.

"So, what did you want?" And that was when Logan realized: He was in Captain Harlock's bedroom. Alone. In the middle of the night. With absolutely no excuse or anything to talk about.

Shit.


	3. Chapter 3 Hesitation

_Shit_.

There was something seriously wrong with Logan's brain. Something had happened to him since he climbed that mountainside to board the Arcadia. Maybe he was going crazy, just like the rest of the maniac crew. Why else would he have actually walked into the Captain's room in the middle of the night with no excuse as to why he was there? Now he was stuck in a confined place, that piercing gaze focused intently on him, and no idea as to what he should be saying.

The Captain seemed unconcerned with Logan's seeming muteness, having been leaning against the wall staring at him for the last couple of minutes as Logan's eyes flitted around the room, taking in what he could see while his mind raced, frantically trying to come up with some excuse.

The room was simple and comfortable, though bereft of much personal touch. Logan supposed that even though Harlock had been living there for 100 years he was probably not the sentimental type. The bed was in the far right-hand corner, rather plain with white sheets and a dark pillow-cover and blankets. The floors were the normal dark and rather dull metal. Unlike most of the ship's quarters, Harlock's had no rugs on the floor, although there was a tapestry on the wall to the right of the door with a map of the known universe and another tapestry to the left with a strange pattern in earthy yellows, oranges, browns, and reds. There was a tall lamp in the far left corner between the wall and a chest of drawers made of dark-stained wood that stood about 3' tall. The room was small, perhaps 10' square, and no larger than anyone else's quarters. Logan would have expected the captain to be in much nicer accommodations, something far more comfortable to spend a century in, but maybe Harlock did not spend much time in his own room.

There was a door in the right-hand wall at the foot of the bed that led into a small and dark room. Logan could see a desk against the far wall up against a large window at the outside edge of the ship; the surface was illuminated by the light of the stars. In the center of the ring of light was a glass jar, it almost looked like something from a chemist's lab, with a dark substance filling it about halfway. He could not see much else.

His perusal of the room, though he had taken as much time as he possibly could have with it, lasted no longer than a minute or two, and now Logan stood shifting on his feet and looking at anything but Harlock where he still leaned casually and completely still against the wall by the door. The yellow light made his hair look more brown than the black it normally seemed in the dull lighting of the ship's corridors. The light from the lamp shone directly into his one visible eye, glinting brightly from beneath the cover of his shaggy fringe. His skin looked warm and rich and his clothes smooth and free of the normal rumpling. For having just woken he seemed far too put together and attractive for Logan to cope with. The sleep pants were slim and pulled taut across his thigh, revealing the strong muscle underneath. Without the thick leather and concealing cape, Harlock seemed broader and stronger, not so slim and angular. The short sleeves on his shirt let Logan see the bulge of small but defined biceps where his hands rest in the crook of his crossed arms. His scar seemed less noticeable and those brown eyes were staring him down with heavy intensity, waiting patiently.

"Umm..."

Logan paused, then let out a huff of breath, frustrated with himself for not being able to think clearly as he looked unseeingly at a space toward the wall at the end of the bed. He chanced a glance over at the Captain and found a slight smile on his face - an amused smirk, actually.

"I, uh..."

"You...?"

"I don't really - ."

He does not have anything else to say. He really doesn't. His mind is entirely blank, empty of anything except his sweating palms, dry mouth, nervously shifting feet, and the languid grace and confidence of the figure just steps away. Three or four at most, and he would be able to reach out and brush the hair out of his face, see that captivating eye clearly and get a look at the hidden one. But he can't do it, he can't move, he can hardly breathe for the tension in his body. And then the last thing he expected to happen does. Harlock moves. The Captain pushes himself off the wall, unwinding his arms, and walks a step or two forward, leaning forward and to the side, his head cocked in question as he approaches Logan purposefully.

"You don't know? You come to my room in the middle of the night, rousing me from sleep, and now you have nothing to say?"

"No, I..." Something seemed wrong with what Harlock said but Logan cannot figure out what it was. His mind is fizzling out, unable to focus with the Captain so close and capturing all of his attention. That pull, that connect that he feels all the time is so strong right now that nothing else seems to make any sense. He wants nothing more than to close the gap between the two of them and touch and he knows there is a reason he shouldn't but he has having a hard time remembering why. The Captain takes another tiny step closer, only a couple of feet between them now.

"Logan. Why did you come here?"

"I... I don't know..."

Another step. Logan could touch him now, if he reached out. The room feels hot, much hotter than when he first entered. The Captain's gaze is making him uncomfortable and he cannot decide whether he wants to leave or not. He knows he has gotten himself into something far too deep and dangerous for his liking and safety. He needs to leave. He wants to leave. So why won't his feet move? Why can he not stop looking at those eyes? Why do his fingers keep twitching, wanting to reach out and hold on and not let go?

"Logan. Why?"

"I..."

He finally moves, taking a step and kicking over the Captain's boots which were lined up near the wall. Logan stumbles shortly before regaining his balance and straightening, feeling his cheeks heat and becoming even more flustered. The two stare at each other, eyes focused without blinking for whole moments until the Captain just sighs and turns away suddenly.

"Go back to bed, Logan."

"...What?"

"Go back to bed. Come back when you've figured it out."

Logan's eyebrows wrinkle in confusion.

"Figure what out?"

Harlock just turns back and looks at him for a moment.

"Go back to bed, Logan."

"...Okay."

Logan straightens his shoulders and steps across the room and out the door when it slides open and into the hall. He turns around and sees Harlock standing next to his bed, looking down at the blankets, his shoulders slumped slightly and looking... lonely? But then the door slides shut and Logan can't see him anymore. It is in that moment, when he is finally able to think clearly outside of the Captain's immediate presence, that Logan finally figures out what had been wrong with the Captain's question. Harlock said that Logan had woken him, but his bed - it was perfectly made, not a wrinkle or an un-tucked corner, as if it had not been touched in hours.

 **NOTES:**


	4. Chapter 4 Shock

Logan's mind was in turmoil. The last few days aboard the Arcadia had been chaotic, mind-opening, confusing... heartbreaking. Finding out that everything he had ever been told about the Earth, about the Coalition, about the Homecoming War, about Harlock, were all lies had torn him apart inside. Nothing was how he had always thought it was, nothing made any sense to him anymore.

When the ship had gotten close enough to the Earth for the illusion to fall away he had been so shocked he couldn't think, couldn't breathe. It had taken whole moments for him to react to the whole situation and start to wonder what exactly was going on. Seeing the planet, humanity's home in such a horrifying and lifeless state had made Logan's stomach churn, his heart dropping down into his gut and his throat clench up with fear and sorrow. He could hardly get out the words to tell Ezra he was lying. And he knew it wasn't a lie, he could see the evidence right there in front of him with his own eyes.

And then there was the whole story about Harlock's past. He had worked for the Coalition, had even been part of the efforts to keep anyone from returning to Earth. He had been the exact kind of person that Harlock now fought against so passionately.

Logan could understand Harlock's fury at being betrayed by the Gaia Coalition elites. He could understand the hurt of finding out that those who you trusted and believed in were full of hypocrisy. It was the same thing he had felt when watching the illusion around the Earth fall away, upon finding out that the Coalition had been lying to everyone for the last hundred years about what had happened. Why keep up the farce? Why give people hope and let them believe in a lie? For power? To maintain superiority and control? How could they? How could they do that when they claimed to have the only truth and to be the only ones to bring peace and order to the masses of humans scattered around the universe?

"You believe whatever you're told," Ezra had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe Logan really was that gullible. He had meant what he said when confronting Ezra before the battle. You and the Coalition are wrong about him. I feel it in my gut, Ezra! He really had come to believe that it would be better to reset the Genesis Clock, to start over and try to fix humanity's mistakes from the Homecoming War.

But now everything was all mixed up. Harlock, 100 years ago had tried to make permanent the Gaia Coalition's decision that no one should be allowed to return to Earth by creating a literal impassible barrier, a real sanctified zone that no one could cross. At least then their law would be true and no one could elevate themselves enough to give themselves permission, the privilege, to return to Earth when regular people were stuck out in space, never to return home. It would be unfair and hypocritical, so Logan agreed that the Captain's motives, his ultimate goal had been right and justified, but he had gone about it the wrong way. He tried to control something that was beyond him; Harlock's pride had gone too far in allowing him to believe that he was capable of something not meant for human hands to direct. And it had blown up in his face and destroyed the Earth. His impulsiveness, his anger, his pride, had ruined him, humanity's home, everyone's hope, and now the whole crew's trust for not having revealed the story sooner. For once, his mysterious and secretive aura had only done him harm.

And Logan? He was angry. He was furious with the Captain for what he had done and especially for keeping such an important secret. Why had he not trusted his crew with his plans? With the whole story so that they would know what they were getting into? It was not right. It was irresponsible and it was no wonder that everyone was beginning to doubt him.

But even as Logan led Ezra and the Gaia soldiers to the bridge, even as he stared Harlock down with a gun pointed at his head, and even as he changed uniforms, effectively showing his loyalty and his decision on whose truth to follow, his mind still rolled. As much as he was angry with Harlock, Logan was already forgiving him. Because no one knew more than Logan how hard it was to pick up the pieces when your own impulsiveness caused tragedy. He knew what it was like to try and fix a problem, believing yourself to be strong enough to fulfill a worthy goal, and then watch as it all fell apart around you and not be able to stop it.

Maybe that was why he and Harlock shared such a strange connection. Both of them had a past of reckless decisions with horrible consequences following and now they were both scrabbling to redeem themselves, to find a solution that would fix their mistakes and make everything better. And unfortunately for both of them, nothing was going as planned and Logan was left pondering these things, examining everything he had done since boarding the Arcadia and wondering if he could have done anything differently. If there were some way, some answer, some action he could have taken that would have allowed him to find redemption.

He was beginning to think that maybe he should have stuck with Harlock, helped him plant the last detonator and use the Genesis Clock to start over. He certainly felt like he needed one for his own life. Maybe that was really what Harlock wanted - not to let the universe try again without humanity believing itself to be the center of everything, but for the Captain to try his own life over again, to not make the same mistakes, to do better the second time around. Maybe Harlock just wanted a past he could be at peace with. But he really was not sure about any of this and his eyes could not focus on much of anything as his brain jumped from thought to thought in a messy race to attempt to find some useable conclusion.

It was while he was in this state of mind that Ezra had told him about Nami. He knew Ezra was lying about how she had died. He knew how Ezra had felt about her, how much he had been driven nearly insane with the torment of her never loving him back. He felt himself going a little crazy.

He had cried, but it hadn't lasted long. Mostly he just felt drained. His mind went blank and his chest felt hollow, like his heart had just disappeared, and he couldn't remember much of what had happened after that. Just little flashes of moments here and there. It was all too much to deal with and all he could really remember was the feeling of just wanting to get away. Why he had ended up on the Earth, he really didn't know. Stumbling around with the hot wind and dust blowing against him was miserable, but he forced himself to keep walking, to keep looking.

He needed answers. He need a truth he could believe in, that he could follow. He needed someone to tell him what to do. About Ezra, about the Coalition, about this dead and forsaken Earth, about the Genesis Clock... About Harlock...

He was so distracted, so blank and unseeing, that he didn't notice the ground dropping away in front him and so he fell. Hard. It took him a moment to start trying to get up, a groan slipping past his lips, before he finally looked up and then everything in his head finally went quiet.

-

 **NOTES:**


	5. Chapter 5 Conviction

"I thought I had destroyed everything. There is redemption - this is what it feels like. I'm free. I'm free!"

Logan watched as Harlock's eyes filled with tears, tears of relief and joy at knowing that his mistakes had not ended in total tragedy. Hope still exists to grow. We can still fix this.

The last few hours had been busy and scary and messy, but throughout it all Logan's mind had been completely calm. He finally knew the truth, the truth about everything, and had made his decision about what he would do.

He was a little upset with himself that it had taken Ezra's betrayal to push him to find the answers himself, that he hadn't been able to trust his gut or found the strength on his own. It was pure chance that had brought Logan down to the Earth's surface and let him see how it was healing. If not for that, he would still be back on Ezra's ship, following the Coalition's orders to destroy the Arcadia and its crew, effectively ending the chances of anyone ever going back home.

The thought that he had been so close to ruining everything with his gullibility made Logan's stomach churn. First he had blindly followed Ezra's orders, then foolishly believed Harlock without finding out all of the answers, and then Ezra again right after having been told he was gullible.

Will I never learn?

Well, he would now. This time he was acting out of his own choice, entirely under his own beliefs, and for the first time since the accident that had taken Nami's body and Ezra's legs, Logan felt his mind calm. As he told Harlock about the earth, showed him that not everything was lost, and that they did not have to start over entirely for there to be redemption, Logan finally realized what Harlock had meant when he had visited the Captain's room.

Come back when you've figured it out.

Harlock's steadiness the first time Logan had pulled a gun on him back in the collapsing canyon finally made sense - he had known from the beginning that Logan was not really there for the reasons he said, that he would betray them. He probably also knew why Logan had gone to see him that night. Because he wanted and it was so obvious, but Harlock did not appreciate disloyalty; the Captain would never have taken him if he knew that Logan was going to betray the crew and leave.

So now he knew, Logan knew that Harlock had known all about him and the chaos inside him from the start, and yet...

He told me to come back. He wanted me to come back. Does he still?

Now was not the time to get the answer to that question, however. They had work to do.

The rest of the day was a wreck. Julian succeeded in hacking the news feeds and showing everyone the Coalition's lies. The Arcadia had kept the Jovian Accelerator from destroying the Earth. Somehow, Logan and managed to get the ship away from the Gaia armada, bringing everyone to safety lightyears away from danger. Hardly anyone was injured and they were now free to do as they wished while they waited for the day they could return home.

And despite all of that, Logan found himself sitting alone near the ships dark matter core, head bowed in sadness. He was too far away to hear anyone, but he knew the crew was celebrating their victory and making plans for the future. Logan, however, could not get the day's events out of his head.

He was alone. Ezra was dead, Nami was dead. Ezra had tried to kill him, his own brother had wanted him dead. Logan had known that Ezra did not really care about him anymore, but indifference was one thing. Hatred was so much worse.

But now, the last of Logan's family was gone and he was all alone, not even a brother who despised him left. And Harlock had killed him.

Logan had not had an opportunity to react to Harlock shooting Ezra, as the first shot of the Jovian Accelerator had come right at that moment and the day had not really slowed down after that. Right after Ezra had died, Logan had sat in silence for a long time, mourning, but he knew there was more to do. So he had picked himself up off the floor and walked to the ship's helm.

He wasn't surprised that Harlock had held a gun to his head, that he did not entirely trust him yet. He would have done the same thing, so he was not sure why he had pulled his own gun. Maybe he just needed the comfort of knowing that he could shoot the Captain if he wanted to. Maybe he needed to show that he was angry that Harlock had killed his brother, as necessary as it had been. Maybe he just wanted to be Harlock's equal for once, rather than at his mercy or betraying him.

But it was probably that Logan had finally made his decision to follow the Captain and had proven that to be true, but had still been doubted. That had hurt. Logan had come back, just like Harlock wanted, and helped him find redemption, not once showing a desire to harm him or the crew, and yet Harlock had questioned his loyalty, his honesty. What could Logan have gained from lying now, what purpose could it serve? Harlock should know the answer to that, so why had he still threatened to kill him?

I found something else to believe in.

It was the only thing Logan could think of to say that would show his conviction. He had made his decision. He trusted Harlock, he trusted the crew of the Arcadia. He believed in their goal to bring humanity back home. He believed that they were doing the right thing, that Logan was doing the right thing by following them and not just running away because he no longer had a family to return to. He trusted what his gut was telling him, that Harlock was the right person to follow, to stand beside. He believed in the Captain. And he still wanted. He wanted desperately.

Logan had tried to convey all of that in his expression as the two had stood face-to-face, guns at each others' skulls, imploring the Captain to believe in him in return, hoping Harlock would understand and choose to trust him again.

They had stood there for a long moment, just watching each other, before Harlock had huffed slightly, a corner of his lips twitching, and finally spoken.

"About time."

And now Logan sat by himself in the dark room at the center of the ship, mourning the betrayal and hatred and loss of his brother. Mourning Nami's death. Missing home. And yet, more powerful than all of that, he felt something else. Relief. Peace. Happiness. He had found his redemption, had found a way to fix his mistakes, at least the new ones.

He could never make up for what he had done to Ezra and Nami, but he had made up for his betrayal of the Arcadia, for how his foolishness had almost ruined everything. And he had found a new home. The ship's crew had welcomed him back, although there were a few who did so begrudgingly. But he had Harlock's trust, and that was enough for most of them. So he was here on the ship and it had become his home, the crew his family and friends, Harlock his real captain. He had finally decided what he wanted and he had all of it.

Well, most of it. There is still one thing left to take care of.

Logan sat quietly, simply staring blankly at the floor while he thought about it and felt contentment wash over him. But he was also searching within himself for the courage he needed to take the next step. He wanted more out of this new life he would be living, but that required action and boldness he was not sure he possessed. He sat and searched and thought hard. He did not notice Harlock stepping into the room and leaning against a pillar of machinery, arms crossed and watching him. He did not see the small and gentle smile on the Captain's face. But he did hear when the Captain spoke a few minutes later.

"Logan."

Logan looked up.

 **NOTES:**


	6. Chapter 6 Trust

"Logan."

Logan looked up. He saw the Captain leaning against some machinery, arms crossed and lurking in a shadow, but his eye still gleamed brightly. Harlock had removed his cloak, utility belt, sword, and outer leather jacket, dressed only in his boots, pants and a soft gray shirt. His arms were pale and his hair was messy, uncombed after the chaotic day. He even looked a little tired, his shoulders unaccustomedly hunched over and his body looking more like it was leaning against the wall for support rather than out of laziness or to display nonchalance or arrogance.

Logan's mouth went a little dry, unprepared for the Captain's sudden appearance, not yet having decided what he would say or do when next they met. So he simply sat silently for a few moments, watching the Captain and being watched in turn.

"You look tired."

Harlock tilted his head forward in agreement, but said nothing. Logan shifted a little in his seat, not sure how to carry on the conversation, scrambling for something to say.

"... You did well today, fighting and leading the Crew. I mean, you probably already know that, but sometimes it is nice to hear a compliment. Although, I guess you might not want it from me since I don't really know that much about being a Captain, but I think you do well. At least, you got me to figure myself out and - "

"Logan."

Harlock interrupted Logan's rambling.

"Yeah?"

"Have you figured it out?"

There was an odd note to the Captain's voice, sounding tentatively hopeful. Up until that moment, Logan had not really thought about how Harlock was dealing with the tension between the two of them; he had been so caught up in his own feelings and realizations that the Captain had known about it from the start that he had not stopped to think about what Harlock might be thinking or feeling. Logan had rather assumed that he would be summarily rejected once he was able to clearly state what was going on in his head to the Captain, but now that he saw Harlock's curiosity, his almost - nervousness? - he wondered if maybe he wasn't the only one getting all twisted up inside. He stood up, looking the Captain squarely in the eye.

"Yes, I have." He took a deep breath.

"I want you. I want you so much it hurts." He paused and Harlock looked at him steadily for a moment before pushing himself off the pillar, unwinding his arms.

"I think about you constantly, always wondering where you are, what you're doing, what you're thinking; what you think about; what you think of me. It's driving me crazy."

Harlock was walking toward him now, slowly, with what looked like desperation in his eyes.

"I saw the recordings from the cameras of you fighting today. You were beautiful. You fought with such grace and power; it was amazing."

He was close now, very close, and his right hand was reaching toward Logan, his eyes turning from desperation to yearning.

"And you killed my brother and that hurts and you didn't trust me and that hurts even worse, but you're so strong and determined and ambitious and mysterious and I can't stop looking at you and I want you and -"

He was cut off when Harlock kissed him. The Captain stopped right in front of Logan, sliding his hand along his jaw, behind his ear, and grasping tightly into the hair at the back of his head, tugging him forward and crashing their mouths together, silencing the tirade coming out of him while his eyes screwed shut. Logan's mouth was open from speaking and Harlock's met his in the same way, tongue sliding out immediately to slip into his mouth and twist against his own, writhing and coiling, exploring his teeth, his entire tongue, stroking against the roof of his mouth. Logan's arms wrapped around Harlock's back, grasping onto his shirt, twisting the fabric and pulling the two of them together, bodies meeting from knee to shoulder. Harlock's left hand came down to grab at Logan's lower back, pulling their hips together firmly. At the feeling of their groin's pressing together, Logan letting out a gasp, heat and longing coursing through his veins.

The two clung to each other tightly, lips and tongues sliding hotly, wetly, passionately. It was rough and powerful, full of the strength of two men pushing and pulling at each other, hungry for each other. Logan poured all his frustration from the past few weeks, all his fear, his confusion, the aching of his heart, and the burning thirst of want he felt for Harlock, into the kiss. His fingers grabbed and drug at Harlock's back and shoulders, his arms, and tugged at his hair, desperate to show Harlock just how fiercely he wanted him, how firmly he had made up his mind. Harlock's left hand stayed firmly planted on Logan's hip, pressing them together, while his other hand tilted Logan's head where he wanted it to be, thumb digging into his cheek, but for all his lack of frantic movement, his kissing was no less passionate, exploring Logan's mouth thoroughly, seeking to map it out and know every part of it. He held Logan tightly, securely, like he was worried Logan would change his mind and leave. Logan could feel his fear in the kiss, how he was trying to show Logan in return just how fervently he wanted, how desperate he was to be trusted and wanted in return, how worried he was that he would get rejected. So Logan kissed him back all the harder, to show him how much he felt too.

Logan was not sure how much time passed, but eventually the kiss began to slow, tongues returning to their own mouths, lips pressing more gently, their grip on one another relaxing. Finally, Harlock stopped entirely and just rested their foreheads together, breathing each other's air. They stood like that for awhile, simply enjoying the other's presence. However, it could not stay silent forever and Harlock was the one to break it.

"I was afraid you might not come. That you might not want me."

"Why?" Logan asked, wanting to understand Harlock's uncertainty, his doubt and anxiety.

"Because you might not trust me." The answer spoken softly, almost hesitantly.

Logan understood. He had come aboard the Arcadia as a spy and Harlock had known from the start, they both knew now that he had always known, and that could mean that anything Harlock had said or done in relation to Logan since then had been as Captain of the ship and meant to protect the crew; he might simply have been trying to confuse and distract Logan, not actually meaning any of it. And even if that had not been the case, the Captain had still kept many secrets, secrets that even his crew did not know, let alone Logan, so there was no telling whether or not he was telling the truth now.

And yet, Logan was not much better. He had come aboard as a spy, intending to kill the Captain and ruin their plans. He may have appeared to have changed sides, but not until after having betrayed them all and gotten them sentenced to execution. He may have come back and rescued them all, but how could Harlock know if it was not simply part of another elaborate ruse to gain his trust and strike him down at a later date?

Neither of them had any reason to trust the other and yet here they both stood, close enough to kill.

"I don't trust you to tell me the truth all the time. I don't trust you to not keep secrets from me. I don't trust you to not make reckless and crazy plans."

Harlock's breath hitched once or twice, his fingers digging into Logan's hips, eyes shut tight.

"...but... I do trust that you care about this crew, this ship, and that you will protect them with your life. I trust that you have the best interests of humanity at heart and good intentions. And I think I believe you when you look at me like you want me as much as I want you."

Harlock's eyes opened and he moved his head back a little to look at Logan, who opened his own eyes and looked back, waiting.

"I want you," Harlock breathed, voice hardly above a whisper. "I want you." He leaned forward and buried his face in Logan's neck, breathing out the promise again with his arms wrapping around Logan's back. "I want you."

Logan held on, pushing his face into Harlock's neck in turn, breathing in his scent, and finally relaxing, happy just to be near him and know his feelings were returned.

 **NOTES:**


	7. Chapter 7 Freedom

Logan was lying in Harlock's bed, the two of them wrapped around each other, clinging tightly. They had stood in the engine room for awhile, just breathing in each other's space, but their exhaustion from the busy day got to them quickly and neither of them wanted to continue standing upright. In need of rest but not wanting to leave each other, Harlock had tentatively grasped Logan's hand and brought him to the captain's quarters. Logan, having hoped for the same thing but too nervous to ask, went along silently.

It had been rather nerve wracking, wondering what would happen once they arrived in the room. Logan spent the walk over fidgeting and anxious, not knowing if they were going to take things any farther than the heated kiss they had shared. But Harlock just pulled him into his room and shut the door, taking off his shoes before sitting on the edge of the bed. He had looked up at Logan after a minute and said, "I have some extra sleep pants, if you would like to borrow them." Logan had nodded, so Harlock had retrieved them from his chest, grabbing a pair for himself. The two men turned away from each other self-consciously and changed into the soft and loose pants before Harlock pulled back the covers on the bed and climbed in, pulling Logan in with him. The two had instantly curled into one another, entwining their limbs and getting as close as possible. Harlock was half on his back and half on his side with Logan's head resting against his chest. Their legs tangled together and the captain curled his head down and toward Logan's so he could bury his nose in Logan's hair. They had been lying there silently ever since, the lights out, warm and content but not sleeping.

It was Logan who broke the silence many long minutes later.

"You know, my brother died today. And we broke and revealed the biggest secret in the universe. And I have permanently left the only life and home I've ever really known and yet... And yet I am more relaxed, more content than I have been in a long time." He spoke slowly, softly, but with emotion and conviction.

Harlock seemed to mull it over in his mind for a minute before asking, "Why is that?"

"Because... Because I've found something worth believing in, worth standing up and fighting for. I thought I was paying penance for my mistakes, that I didn't deserve freedom so it was only right that I follow orders. Even ones I wasn't sure I agreed with, but... I think that the only true way for me to make up for my sins was by being free so I could use that freedom to help everyone else be free. I wouldn't admit it to myself but I was never really happy with the Coalition. Something always seemed a little... off. But I thought that obeying them would redeem me, would make me better. But I was just another slave, like cattle, and I wasn't doing anything worthwhile. Exposing the truth, though... Showing the world the lies of the Coalition and allowing people to think for themselves like you forced me to do? ...That was something worth doing, something good to make up for the wrong I've done. I think you said it right earlier, that this is what redemption must feel like. I think this is what it must be like to be free."

It was a lot to say and to process and Logan wasn't really sure he had gotten all of it right. He wasn't sure he had said it well. The problem was, he wasn't quite sure all his thoughts were straight even in his own head, let alone well enough to articulate them.

Harlock just laid quietly for awhile, thinking, and Logan waited, not in any kind of rush. Eventually, Harlock spoke, voice hardly above a whisper, quiet and uncertain, like he wasn't sure he should be saying anything at all. "What are your sins?"

Ordinarily, such a question would have seemed invasive and rude to Logan but he knew why Harlock asked. Logan knew the Captain's sins and there couldn't be anything much worse than destroying an entire planet. So Logan's sins wouldn't seem so bad by comparison. Not to mention, it seemed only fair that Harlock should know Logan's mistakes since he knew Harlock's. And if they were going to trust each other then they needed to know each other. This - their sins - was part of that, a big part of who they were.

So Logan began to talk. He told Harlock about his family, how his parents were botanists and how Ezra and he had made friends with their neighbor, Nami. He told him about his parents' deaths, how sad and lonely he had been for awhile, how Ezra had changed and become so cold and distant, only made worse when he began to realize that Nami didn't want him in return. He told him about the accident in the greenhouse, about his impulsiveness and foolishness, about his childish mind that couldn't think beyond now and how it had ruined two lives. How Ezra had gone from cold and distant to cruel and imperious, and the mission he had been given, the job that might just offer him a chance to redeem himself. How Logan had taken to it with fervor and hope, jumping at the chance to make things right, to fix the mess he had made. And maybe, just maybe, bring Ezra to love him again, even just a little.

He talked and rambled and vented, fighting tears sometimes, and trying to explain to Harlock just how much of a mess he had been when he had stepped aboard the Arcadia, trying to make him understand him a little better. Harlock listened intently and silently the entire time, unmoving and patient. When Logan finally ran out of words to say, Harlock waited a moment to be sure he was finished before simply pulling Logan in closer and tighter and murmuring gently, "And now you are free," and Logan squeezed him back, relaxing into the man's comforting arms.

For the first time in a long time both men felt content, they felt happy. Their troubles, their wars had ended for a time. They were among family and friends who cared about them and protected them. They had chosen this life, had chosen their path, not always knowing what they were getting into, but they had chosen freely. Things had not always gone the way they had predicted or wanted. Sometimes, some years, had been horrible and awful and they never wanted to go through such things again. But the experiences had made them stronger, wiser. And those choices had brought them here. To each other, to the Arcadia, to truth. To the opportunity to do with their lives what they wanted, whatever they wanted. They could go and do and say whatever they wished and no one could stop them, no one had the right to tell them otherwise. No one controlled them and nothing bound them. The weight of their sins and lies and mistakes had been lifted in their quest for truth and brought them wide-open possibility and the freedom to choose any option they liked.

They were free.

 **NOTES:**

That's it. That's the last official chapter. Just the epilogue left now.


	8. Chapter 8 Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Logan woke slowly, awareness seeping in. First, that he was warm and comfortable. Second, he wasn't alone. He shifted a little, remembering the night before and wanting to snuggle deeper into the arms that were wrapped around him, basking in their safety and warmth. Harlock's hands reached around him farther, holding tighter and pressing Logan closer into his chest. The movement made Logan aware of a third thing: pain.

He had kind of forgotten about all of his injuries in the rush of the day before and had been too happy last night to stop and think about it. Now, though, he was reminded. As he turned into Harlock's body, Logan let out a low groan, sore muscles tensing. His face throbbed across his nose and cheek, as did his arm from where bullets had grazed him. His chest ached and any turning of it sent sharp twinges up his side - probably some cracked ribs and definitely bruising from Ezra's chair slamming him into a wall. His eye, or lack there of, was the worst though, a violent and powerful pain something like a throb and a sting.

He had taken the eye patch off before sleeping the night before and now he brought his hand up to his face and covered the empty hole gently, flinching a little when it sent sparks of discomfort dancing through his head.

Harlock pulled back and brought his own hand up to Logan's head, resting his palm across the younger man's cheekbone and temple. His eyes turned sad but his voice was teasing. "We match."

Logan huffed a laugh. "Yeah. Did yours hurt this bad?"

"Probably. Hard to remember. It was so long ago."

"Oh. Right. God, I keep forgetting you're over a hundred years old. Do you think... Will you die? Can you die?"

"I'm... not sure. But something feels different now, since Mimay merged with the ship. I don't know, it's just... Before, we were all bound together, to each other, so it was like two parts of the same body coming together. Like... if the soul left the body and then went back into it. But the Arcadia took her in, the black matter joined with her, and that changed the nature of our bond, even more so when Mimay came back. And the Arcadia... she let you control her, let you act as the captain. I'm not sure, but I don't think I'm bound to her or to Mimay anymore. Maybe... maybe I'll be back to normal now, age and die just like any other human being. I don't know, just a theory."

Logan laid silent for a moment, thinking out his response. "Well... I hope that's true. I... I don't want you to live forever, it's too lonely. I know it sounds bad, but I want you to die. Someday. I want you to have that ability."

"It doesn't sound bad. It sounds nice. I've already lived more than a lifetime, nearly two long lifetimes and it looks like I have at least one more left. That's plenty for me. And... I don't think I would want any more, especially if you weren't around to live them with me. I, I've only had you around for a short time but I'm already starting to wonder how I ever made it this long without you. I need you Logan, need you here with me."

Logan's felt a lump forming in his throat, sadness over the terrible loneliness this man before him had gone through, the pain of having no one around besides a ship and an alien for so long. How awful must it have been to continue watching his human crew mates die, one after the other, year after year, knowing his day wasn't coming, that there was no escaping, no end to his own grief and pain. His plan, his mission and desperate need for redemption had obviously kept him going, kept him sane, but the sadness in Harlock's eyes was so powerful. There was steel there, a strength that couldn't be ignored and was certainly not faked. Logan had seen it when he first boarded the Arcadia, again when Harlock had rescued him from the canyon, and many other times, but behind that bravery and ambition was a horrible loneliness, the kind that was only seen in the eyes of the old. It was strange and horrible to see eyes like that on a face that seemed so young, only a few years older than Logan himself.

Logan never wanted to see that sadness ever again. He wasn't even sure if he had ever seen the man with a smile, at least one that wasn't laced with bitterness or irony. "Well. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here, with you, as long as you want me."

Harlock smiled at him gently, closing his eyes and leaning forward to press their foreheads together. "Thank you, Logan."

They lay like that for a few minutes, neither wanting to leave the warmth of the bed or each other's company, but eventually they knew they needed to rise. They had a ship to run after all, only it wasn't duty that put them in motion. It was Logan's stomach complaining about the lack of food it had gotten recently. He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment and buried his nose in Harlock's collarbone.

Harlock chuckled, stroking his hand down the younger man's spine. "Perhaps we should get breakfast? I have not eaten in at least a day and I am rather certain you haven't either. You're going to need nourishment if you are to heal properly. And I would rather like you to be as healthy as possible. I have plans for you."

Harlock sat up and slid to the end of the bed, walking over to his chest to pull out clean clothes. Logan pushed himself up slowly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and bracing his hands on his knees. "Oh, plans? What kind of plans?"

Logan looked up to see Harlock grinning at him, a bigger smile than Logan had ever seen on his face, and mischievous glint in his eye. "We were both exhausted last night and wrung out in more ways than one. And you are injured and in pain, even if you seemed to have forgotten it until you had a chance to rest and be still. But I did not bring you to my room for entirely innocent reasons. I plan to keep you here and I do not intend to spend each night only sleeping." His eyes had gone dark and focused on Logan with intensity.

Logan's mouth went dry and his face went hot, palms sweating and heart rate picking up. He barely managed to squeak out a tiny "Oh?" before his throat closed again.

Harlock walked back to the bed, standing in front of Logan, a stack of clothes in his arm. He reached down with his free hand and grabbed the man's chin between his fingers, tilting Logan's face up. Harlock leaned down, their noses bare inches apart, his breath washing over Logan's face. "Yes. I have spent much time considering this and as soon as you are healed I plan to make my imaginings into reality. If you are not okay with this make it clear to me now. When I told you I needed you, when I said I wanted you, I meant more than just your presence and your companionship. I want you."

Logan swallowed hard. He had known that Harlock bringing him back to his room was likely more than just an innocent desire for company or a means for emotional comfort. But hearing the words out loud was sending liquid heat coursing through his veins. He stumbled over his words, hardly able to think straight enough to form a sentence.

"I... I want you, Harlock. I've always wanted you. I want everything. I'm not going anywhere."

Harlock's eyes roved over Logan's face, searching, ensuring the man's honesty. Seemingly satisfied with what he found, his eyes turned from intensely curious to just plain intense before they slid closed and his brought his face down the last few inches to press his lips to Logan's. Their lips met gently, oh so gently, barely a whisper of touch as they brushed over each other, once, twice, a third time. Then Harlock turned his face slightly and pressed his cheek against Logan's and whispered softly. "I'm not letting you go, Logan. Never."

Logan just reached up and twined his arms around Harlock's shoulders, pulling him into his chest and holding tightly.

Life wasn't perfect. Sometimes the men were so alike that it spurred the most horrible of fights. Running a ship and a crew was stressful and chaotic and tiring and some days they could barely even get a glimpse of each other in all the business. They were in danger sometimes - some diehard members of the Coaltion were still trying to find them and never hesitated to attack if they spotted the Arcadia. They got injured, they got hurt, which usually left the other upset and emotional, ridiculously overprotective in the weeks following to the point of exasperating the other. They got irritated over little things and fought over them more than they needed to and from time-to-time one of them was just in a bad mood for no reason and couldn't keep their mouth shut. And sometimes they just needed a break from each other and Logan would go back to his old quarters.

They always came back to each other, though. They could only take so many sleepless or nightmare-filled nights alone in an empty bed before one of them would walk through the dark corridors and climb into the other's arms, whispering apologies. Nothing was ever more important than the other person, nothing was ever so serious that they couldn't forgive one another eventually.

Logan learned how to be Captain and Harlock left many of those duties to him, especially as they got older. Eventually they let someone else take over as captain, continuing to live on the ship as advisors and friends to the crew. But the Arcadia was where their hearts lived, where they both had found happiness, found each other, and they couldn't leave that. The Arcadia was home and it was freedom and they would never sacrifice their freedom. Only one thing was more important to them than that - each other. They had fought and bled for each other, to have each other despite all of the obstacles that had stood in their way, but had defeated them all, even the ones within themselves and that was worth protecting, worth keeping no matter what happened or how flawed and messy and hard it was sometimes. They had chosen what they wanted and they were never going to let go of that.

"Maybe we wanted to believe it - in a perfect home - one that existed just out of reach... We'll never see tomorrow if we're blinded by lies today. We searched throughout the universe for answers. It's time we searched within ourselves."

-

 **NOTES:**

I want to maybe add a few humorous sequel pieces but I'm not sure if I can write humor. Maybe someday I'll have an idea and try it out, but don't get your hopes up. I've got nothing right now and usually my attempts to make people laugh fall extremely flat. We're talking a single sheet of paper flat but as heavy as lead with how hard it falls.


End file.
